The past week has been rather rough, for myself and those close to me. The thought of causing anyone of these people pain hurts, and I wish I didn't but for some reason these people care just enough. They are like my lifeline in this sea of discomfort. The feelings of dread won't go away no matter how I try to occupy myself and not think too hard.

The MRI is sceduled for Nov 8, and I hope we can find answers soon with this. I made a promise, to fight this and survive, no matter what it took. I intend to keep it and see it though, reguardless of the cost. I have to pass the Trial by Fire because my destiny is calling. I can hear the Summons loud and clear but this one abstacle is holding me back.

I've never cried this much in my memory, which is slowly slipping from my grip like everything else. Even with all the heartbreaks and the deaths of those close- neither has terrified me to the point of not sleeping, not eating, curling up on the couch cocooned in a blanket and just crying like there's no tomorrow. Thankfully no one is around when I break down like this. But I think I need to start a tissue fund...

Em's been with me through the whole ordeal, I think its actually made our sister bond alittle stronger. She was with me at Miriam Hospital and came to visit me at SSTar and sent things for me to do and read. She's been with me in ambulance rides and held my head during the tests. All while juggling school and friends. Don't think I could ask for more. The little spawn is starting to grow up, lol. I'd love to survive long enough to see her graduate in three years. ^^ I'd love to take her to Nawlins with me too. I think she'd like it

But for now I'm just trying to remain calm and coast til Sunday and the MRI. The pain is getting worse but I have my peeps here with me, so I'm not alone. I know that. I have more than one reason to go on, to fight. As scared as I am, I'll be forever grateful.

"Do you always trust your first initial feeling
Special knowledge holds truth bears believing
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea

How the faces of love have changed turning
the pages
And I have changed oh, but you...you remain
ageless
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea..."

Crystal, Steveie Nicks, Practical magic

Hear me
Hear me

You gotta be out there
You gotta be somewhere
Wherever you are
I'm waiting
'Cause there are these nights when
I sing myself to sleep
And I'm hopin' my dreams
Bring you close to me
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

Hear me
Can you hear me?
Hear me

I used to be scared of
Letting someone in
But it gets so lonely
Being on my own
No one to talk to
And no one to hold me
I'm not always strong
Oh, I need you here
Are you listening?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me

I'm restless and wild
I fall, but I try
I need someone to understand
Can you hear me?
I'm lost in my thoughts
And baby I've fought
For all that I've got
Can you hear me?

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Hear me
Can you hear me?

The tests are the Friday coming, so soon we'll have an answer. I hope. Or someone is losing a testicle. ^_^

I won't let this take me down with a fight!



Anywho, I seem to feel more like myself alittle more each day, the Dragon is coming back full force and interested in eating barely legal teeniebitches for lunch. Might have to roast til extra cripsy, all the flub should crunch very nicely ^^



On another note, TO RUSSIA it is! To train hard and play with teh ponehs, especially the lovely Monsieur Gideon. *bows*

Mr. Nevs is the ultimate lifesavior, yes, savior. *squeez*

Long story, short version: really bad multitasking. It was a long day that involved getting up a half hour behind scedule and forgetting to eat breakfast, rushing out the door, helping peeps move (that was a fiasco and all too amusing), doc appt, trying to kill the printer, bon fire and Coke and rum. Yes, eventful lately.

I'm actaully glad summer is finally coming to a close. As it means my favorite time of year is fast approaching ^_^ Like, yay! In three weeks it will be officially Fall and then October will come chasing after. Talked to Steve and Deanna, both of which let me know they will be doing the Haunted Cornmaze this year (even bigger than last years!), and then a long discussion of props and setup followed. So far we have a good portion of it already mapped out and materials are coming in as well, so the building should start as soon as next weekend. Plus there's Autumn Fest and the annual trip up to Salem. And maybe a few parties this year as well. Hey, I'm single so now I can go have some fun

*blenches @ Heather*

Anywho..

Apart of the scare this summer, at the moment I'm doing ok. Physically and emotionally. Only time will tell. I guess we'll have to see how this season goes to be sure. Bring on the fiery foliage, crisp nights, apple-picking and jack o'lanterns




Bad Moon Rising was AWESOME! Reeead iiitt