Well.

It certainly felt very nice indeed to get that little bit off my chest. I think after this last little ordeal all four of us can move on all the wiser. Divided we fall, together we conquer! I think we have already started, I know I have. And I'm sure John, Jimmy and myself will help Mugs move on and heal from this as well. Time and many Midnight Margeuritas and a shitload of corny jokes and Mighty Boosh references will surely help.

I do feel much better actually reguardless of the other numbnuts in the sad equation, who I think is finally loosing. All the reiki, chakra cleanses and such are finally kicking in. Did you honestly think somone like you could win? You may have won a few battles, but not the war, sweetie. So sorry.

But, on a brighter note I do have an actual solid medical diagnosis for much of the scary issues that have been occuring over the last 6+ months or so. *sigh* Quite a breathe of fresh air and one less burden. Still working on the rest of the issues but I'm confident they will also be resolved given alittle more time. Did I mention I lost a few pant sizes during all of this? :sweatdrop: Totally unintentional, but yeah. I almost feel like my old self again. Minus the heightened sensitivity to the metaphysical, more than usual. But I know why this is happening now. Totally not medical there.

Oh, I must say, last night (after That) I actually had Fun. Yes, highly amusing. I seem to slowly be changing my attitutde towards alcohol. It seems when its two gals and a gay guy and a couple of dogs; some margeurita mix, fresh snow, irish cream and some nips; a bad day, internet and right bfore Christmas- it can actually be pretty cool. It was almost tastful and classy! L M A O It did succeed in putting me in a true Christmas spirit for the first time in years. Of course it helps that everyone has seem to have gone "back to basics" and more simple values. The decorations everywhere are like candles in the darkness.

And I just realized we are alittle over a week away from 2010.. and sometimes it amazes me just how fast time can really fly by. But then again, time is not relative. But that is a debate for a whooole 'nother journal! And for now, I'ma gonna chillax and enjoy the holidays for once and gird for the last little "obstacle" and then we're moving full steam ahead and continueing with the original plans. After all, "Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off the goal". After another close brush with death (had so many I lost count, you think I'd be used to it by now, eh?) I have been reminded of that and all the things Pepe told me over the years. Gods I miss that man at times like these...

But, now its time to Haul Ass, so much to do and so little time.

Btw, Merry Christmas and Happy Yule folks! *hugs to meh peeps*


P.S. I totally located some of my fave dA emoticons and absolute dA awesomeness.

Created by a local paranoid schizo with borderline personality disorder who recently had a Linda Blair moment during an episode of misplaced rage. She had the brass ones to pull multiple illegal activities, tried to threaten us with it (she didn't even do it right on TOP on it *laughs*) and tried to bodily threaten me and a dear friend of mine! A friend I've known more than half my life, said person does not have friends, folks- but instead many enemies.

No need to wonder why.

She has not only recorded us (and others) without our permission on many occasions (things said in confidence, and usually to blow off steam so us ADULTS could let it out like grown-ups in private between ourselves and try to move on with our day) which is illegal (I happen to know that for a fact from actually experience, look it up dumbass). Not to mention she's been tracking our ISP addresses to snoop in our personal business, but has even hacked accounts by her own admission! She has printed out pages of stuff and has hours of tapes(not much of a life, huh?)!! She accuses everyone else of making opinions and speaking or taking actions without knowing both sides of the story, when SHE is guilty of the same damn thing!! Is there no end to the moronic behavior?!

AND on top of screaming in our faces in the most unprofessional manner to vacate the vacinity and threatening to call the police (which actually she has no legal say, she is ONLY the barn manager, not the owner, the Barn is first and foremost a business not your "home" which is ABOVE the stables and in all actuallity you don't even Pay to live there, you unprofessional dipstick, so lets try this again shall we?) like a nutbucket that belongs in the squirrel farm, she proceeds to have the worlds most retarded bitch session in the front of the barn (where she threatens us with above)and did I mention she seems to have some fixation with persons "shitting on her and her name" and how she screwed Tom Dick and Harry to get to the "top"? Narcisstic much sweeite? Who the hell do YOU think you are? You "were" scum, you screwed your way to the top? What "top"? Honey, bitch PULEASE, you ARE scum. You a grabastic piece of amphibian shit on the bottom of the deepest frozen lake in hell. You are the lowest fucking scum I've ever had the misfortune and displeasure to ever be in a five mile radius of.

Mugs has put her blood, sweat and tears into her work there, there is nothing lazy about her. I know for a fact in the beginning she was there every day for hours at a time and only just recently have her rides and her health become unstable(btw, my personal health is none of you business, please keep your brown nose out of that). Neither of which is totally in her control and how DARE you make her pay for it! You know NOTHING of her NOR me. NOTHING. I can't stomach what you tried to do to such a person, she doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Yeah she talks and writes, but that is her coping mechanism, something she's done for YEARS, its just who she is! Mugs would NEVER expect someone to bear her cross for her. If she tells you something of her past or present or her plans for the future she is trusting you, a precious gift. I already KNOW what Mugs does, I accept her as she is and would change a thing about her. You know what that is? That's unconditional love, to accept someone for not just their virtuals and good points but also their faults. Something you are incapable of accomplishing even in your dizziest daydreams. Of course we have our outs, we're only human. But in the end we are always together, why? Because we are true friends, like sisters. Something you will never have. So keep your nasty "sob" stories you're so damn proud of and shove them where even helios wouldn't shine.

You crossed the wrong line when you invaded both my privacy and that of my friends. What was said in private is NONE of your concern! You had NO right whatsoever. Everyone (including family members) already know about what we have said and done, I made sure do so and and have been completely honest about this situation with many people. EVERYONE will know about you and what you did, MANY people will know your name and what you are. You think YOU know people, you have NO idea. I know equine people, politicians, business owners and people ALL OVER THE WORLD. In more than 10 countries, half of which I've been to and will likely visit the rest. Cause unlike you, I have people skills and a life outside my apartment. Oh, you have no need to worry about any one showing up, as the people I happen to know are intelligent people who have self-respect and wouldn't drop to the level of someone such as yourself, you simply are not worth the time or the effort. You, have nothing. We will learn from this disgusting situation, put it behind us and move on with our lives never to think of you again, but you? You will always be a paranoid, overly aggressive, unstable, bipolar, narcisstic, uneducated, narrow-minded, sneaky, spriteful, deceitful, cigerette-eating, caffeine-sucking bag of leather and bone marrow who needs a nice long stay in BULTER.

You are NOT worth it. Over and Out.


P.S. GO AHEAD READ IT AND PRINT IT. I am WELL within my Human Rights to say my piece and express my opinion. And do NOT dare to use this againest Mugs in any way, shape or form as this is MY personal opinion I choose to make public as I know you'll have you backside glued to a chair with your nose pressed against a sticky screen reading this like the numbnuts you are (stupidity is so predictable) You've said yours now its our turn. Look up the Bill of Rights bitch, its called Freedom of Speech, Expression. Stick it.

Have a merry christmas! ^_^


(to those of you who are not the snotbag that this is based on, please, accept my most deepest, sincere apology for such language and ranting. To the rest of you, this won't be posted very long, so please go ahead and ignore it, something completely unrelated with soon follow. It will never happen again)

Winter seems to be taking it's sweet-assed time getting here- not that I'm complaining!! We had a sucky Spring and a very slow, wet start to summer but pretty decent fall. It seems everything weather-wise was pushed back a month or two (odd), so it still feels like its October here. Seriously- it was in the mid 60s yesterday and almost 60 today! Not very Yuleish in my opinion, but it has allowed me to enjoy the short repreive I've been given. Some of my symptoms have lulled abit for some time, like they usually do. I'm not gonna hold my breathe because I know they'll be back with a vengence soon. So I'll take the breaks when I can. For now I'm holding on through sheer willpower and my small support system.

I should probably take a trip to the store and replace the USB cable Em misplaced to hook up my cam to the comp, as I do have stuff to load up here ^^" I know its been quite awhile, but its honestly not my fault. Will try to remedy that sit asap. I've been doing some sketching on the good days as well, but that I think will stay off dA. It might go on my other accounts- such as facebook or myspace instead. I've been filling my time with books, movies, art, music, family and friends. Not to mention enough anime to make japan-junky quite happy. Lol

But for now I'm content with the knowledge I'm still alive and I still have enough time to maybe figure out whats going on and treat or maybe even reverse it.

The past week has been rather rough, for myself and those close to me. The thought of causing anyone of these people pain hurts, and I wish I didn't but for some reason these people care just enough. They are like my lifeline in this sea of discomfort. The feelings of dread won't go away no matter how I try to occupy myself and not think too hard.

The MRI is sceduled for Nov 8, and I hope we can find answers soon with this. I made a promise, to fight this and survive, no matter what it took. I intend to keep it and see it though, reguardless of the cost. I have to pass the Trial by Fire because my destiny is calling. I can hear the Summons loud and clear but this one abstacle is holding me back.

I've never cried this much in my memory, which is slowly slipping from my grip like everything else. Even with all the heartbreaks and the deaths of those close- neither has terrified me to the point of not sleeping, not eating, curling up on the couch cocooned in a blanket and just crying like there's no tomorrow. Thankfully no one is around when I break down like this. But I think I need to start a tissue fund...

Em's been with me through the whole ordeal, I think its actually made our sister bond alittle stronger. She was with me at Miriam Hospital and came to visit me at SSTar and sent things for me to do and read. She's been with me in ambulance rides and held my head during the tests. All while juggling school and friends. Don't think I could ask for more. The little spawn is starting to grow up, lol. I'd love to survive long enough to see her graduate in three years. ^^ I'd love to take her to Nawlins with me too. I think she'd like it

But for now I'm just trying to remain calm and coast til Sunday and the MRI. The pain is getting worse but I have my peeps here with me, so I'm not alone. I know that. I have more than one reason to go on, to fight. As scared as I am, I'll be forever grateful.

"Do you always trust your first initial feeling
Special knowledge holds truth bears believing
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea

How the faces of love have changed turning
the pages
And I have changed oh, but you...you remain
ageless
I turned around
And the water was closing all around
Like a glove
Like the love that had finally, finally found me
Then I knew
In the crystalline knowledge of you
Drove me thru the mountains
Thru the crystal-like clear water fountain
Drove me like a magnet
To the sea..."

Crystal, Steveie Nicks, Practical magic