The past week has been rather rough, for myself and those close to me. The thought of causing anyone of these people pain hurts, and I wish I didn't but for some reason these people care just enough. They are like my lifeline in this sea of discomfort. The feelings of dread won't go away no matter how I try to occupy myself and not think too hard.

The MRI is sceduled for Nov 8, and I hope we can find answers soon with this. I made a promise, to fight this and survive, no matter what it took. I intend to keep it and see it though, reguardless of the cost. I have to pass the Trial by Fire because my destiny is calling. I can hear the Summons loud and clear but this one abstacle is holding me back.

I've never cried this much in my memory, which is slowly slipping from my grip like everything else. Even with all the heartbreaks and the deaths of those close- neither has terrified me to the point of not sleeping, not eating, curling up on the couch cocooned in a blanket and just crying like there's no tomorrow. Thankfully no one is around when I break down like this. But I think I need to start a tissue fund...

Em's been with me through the whole ordeal, I think its actually made our sister bond alittle stronger. She was with me at Miriam Hospital and came to visit me at SSTar and sent things for me to do and read. She's been with me in ambulance rides and held my head during the tests. All while juggling school and friends. Don't think I could ask for more. The little spawn is starting to grow up, lol. I'd love to survive long enough to see her graduate in three years. ^^ I'd love to take her to Nawlins with me too. I think she'd like it

But for now I'm just trying to remain calm and coast til Sunday and the MRI. The pain is getting worse but I have my peeps here with me, so I'm not alone. I know that. I have more than one reason to go on, to fight. As scared as I am, I'll be forever grateful.